How the Other Half Lives

In the last two years I’ve had two TVs breakdown, so am now reliant on an ancient 14” portable set, as I simply do not have the time to go out and buy a new one.
Go around any housing estate and I used to reckon you could spot the families living on welfare by the flat screen TVs visible through the curtains.
But it’s more subtle than that. These days only those on benefits can afford Sky subscription, which is too expensive for those in work.
So the quickest way to slash the Government deficit is to marry the benefit claimants with the Sky TV customer records.

Real Life Crime

I don’t normally watch TV soaps because they're so contrived and unreal.
But last night’s Eastenders was real because it was broadcast live, just like all television used to be fifty years ago.
You could tell everyone was on edge -- not just because of the plotlines. Then I flipped over to BBC3 and the actor who’d just jumped to his death got up and told us how he felt -- great!
That got me thinking: how much easier it would be for our over-stretched police force if everyone admitted their crime at the end, like Stacy Slater did.
However I was amused this week when PC plod arrested a veteran TV broadcaster in a dawn raid at his old people’s home, after admitting on TV that he killed his lover ages ago. After 30 hours in detention they had to let him go because he refused to say who the victim was, or when and where the crime took place.
Suicide is wrong, whether assisted or not.